One of the more peculiar aspects of my experiences so far, and one which has shown the utmost persistence and stubbornness, is my inability to accept anything but the truth. I no longer have it within me to even pretend to be fake or ignore reality. If something doesn't feel like the truth or if I sense with my intuition that something isn't right, if I get the feeling that something is being glossed over or dulled down for the sake of political or social correctness, if what it is I hear or read poses as real information but is actually dis-information or mis-information used for propaganda purposes, I think twice or reject it before acting or reacting to any of it. This isn't to say that I know for absolute surety what is the truth versus what is a lie. What it does mean though, is that I have a keener sense for detecting what I consider to be truth versus fiction. It's as if now there's an automatic function hard-wired into my being to first filter out the refuse, without having to consciously do it, before accepting anything as truth. This phenomenon is like the piercing of a veil of illusions, because the invisible wall that has been built up around me over the years as a result of being inundated by the media and spoon fed stories and cultural biases, has in fact been penetrated and is breaking down, and I can now see more clearly what the reality of this physical world is that we live in.
This can be a liberating experience for those who are ready to look at life in an honest way. For those who are not, who haven't reached that critical point in their existence where the distinction between pure, unadulterated truth and obvious lies have met at the crossroads, and have been extricated from one another, revealing the raw nakedness of what truly is; it can perhaps be more frightening and disconcerting than anything else. Even at first, when I sensed that I could no longer live a life of illusion, devoid of truth, or at least one in which I actively sought it out in everything I did; I went through a period of adjustment when I went back-and-forth between my old ways and the new, and wondered if what I really seek IS the truth. Am I able to handle it? How do I know it when I see it? Metaphorically speaking, was I ready to take the red pill and leap down into the rabbit hole to see how deep it goes? All of this went hand-in-hand with my initial experiences of kundalini, although not necessarily contemporaneous with its open-ended arousal within me, but to some degree with what seemed to be both a complimentary precursor and ongoing requirement of it.
It was the initiation of this kundalini which opened me up and made me more aware, more conscious of an existence that goes beyond what I see and feel with my body. To no small extent, this is the truth I seek. I felt I could no longer ignore the fact that who I really am, the stuff that makes me up and animates my body, that makes me aware of my surroundings, that interacts with the universe in ways I am only now starting to grasp, is a being who is in fact nothing but pure potentiality. This has to be understood, we have to know it, and will it into being. That belief has to be there, as well as the realization that thought does in fact manifest into reality when you also have persistence and intensity and emotional content. I am intimately connected to the energy and intelligence surrounding myself - I am bathing in it, like everyone else. And, only through understanding this fact, have I been able to start penetrating this mental barrier, breaking down my illusions, and in some way facilitating an openness in which I can realize oneness with what exists in this other dimension. This isn't abstract thinking or delusion on my part, but a true account of my reality based upon personal experience and only now reached, in this lifetime, through personal study, reflection, and meditation. I began to listen more to myself as time drew nearer and nearer to this realization, observing my surroundings and those I came into contact with, trying to see things for what they were, and not being overly emotional or irrational about things. I sought what I felt was real and true, based on what I knew. I broke free from the chains of mental bondage this world has held me in for so many years, and in doing so, I reconnected with my true self and a greater sense of conscious awareness began to permeate my being.
How did I achieve this sense of personal and spiritual freedom from the forces controlling mankind? How can we all do this with everything that is going on? The inundation we witness by the powers-that-be in terms of propaganda being spewed out from every corner of the world, every avenue of communication, every means, and at every moment indicates to me that there is something very off-kilter on this planet; and that these people who have somehow been put in the position of managing this world are very afraid of the true potential that lies within humanity. This is why so much effort is being put into manipulating our minds, trying to sway our beliefs, and with creating distractions so that we don't have a moment to think for ourselves without worrying about what difficulties lie just around the corner. How can we possibly realize the truth about anything when all we do is think about what's been highlighted in the News? How can the truth be revealed and prevail above everything else, when nothing but sex, drugs, and rock-and-roll permeates our culture? From the moment we are born, we are unwittingly subjected to all of this, without consent, and without an apparent choice to do something else. When we do figure it all out and decide to reject the norms of society, to live free of television programming, to be self-sufficient, to follow our own spiritual path if we choose to do so; we become ostracized from the world, labeled as extremists and on the fringe, and subjected to harassment by the policing forces for not being like everyone else. We then become non-conformists, which is perhaps exactly how we should aspire to be viewed – independent of the status-quo, unique, creative, and free-thinking. Because, when you consider the state of the collective mind in the world today, the insanity and utter ridiculousness on display at all levels, I can't understand why anyone would want to be a part of that. We have been dumbed-down and chemically-lobotomized to a state where it seems we can no longer even decipher what is real and truthful. We are at the point where many people aren't even aware that this problem exists – that they have in a real sense become unthinking robots, zombies almost; doing what they are told, not questioning authority, consuming... Within this system, you either have to play the game according to existing rules or you're not on the team.
These controllers of the world - politicians, bankers, and corporatists have created a system that is contradictory to how the human species should exist - based on power, control, and money. It is about draining your vitality and life force and destroying your natural inclination towards individuation. It is about manipulating humanity to such a degree that we become little more than human resources in their aspirations towards global dominance. Similar to what we witness in the rape of our environment and stripping of natural resources for selfish ends; we too are being stripped of our inherent human potential without our even knowing it. There is an awakening occurring in the world today though, I feel it and see it. There is a growing realization that the current system doesn't work, that governments across the planet are all fundamentally corrupt and working against the individual, and that there is a need for the people of the world to stand up for themselves. This suggests to me that on an individual level, to some degree, people are piercing this veil of illusions and waking up to the reality of their existence. This being, that the system has been created for the benefit of those in power and that everyone else below them is left scrambling for scraps in a mad, competitive race towards mediocrity. What kind of life is this? Where is the sense of equality and respect amongst fellow human beings?
To see an awakening of this kind throughout the world represents to me a breakthrough which has the potential to be a time of dramatic change for humanity. The ugly truth about how the world operates is now revealing itself to those paying attention, and that once revealed, things simply cannot go back to the way they once were. On another level, this great revealing can also initiate soul-searching of other kinds – beyond the hard realities of physical existence and into more spiritual domains where we start to question on a deeper level, what the truth is about life itself and where we fit into it all.
One of the dilemmas that exists after the kundalini is released and the search for truth becomes your constant companion, is that you still find yourself living in the same world as before. Although now, it is one in which you seem to have bifurcated your body and mind between everyday mundanities and a now-developing awareness of the hidden spiritual side of things that decidedly has more impact on what actually happens in life than you previously thought. The host of symptoms and strange experiences that occur as a result of this manifest themselves more in your reality, your thoughts become increasingly real, and you find yourself lacking for a suitable explanation as to why this is occurring that will satisfy your need or desire to express it. At least in my case, at times I've wanted to talk about what was happening to me and how I felt, but in my mind I knew there existed a knowledge gap in most people, as it relates to this side of things, that couldn't be quickly overcome in order to explain where I was currently at within myself. In this sense, you start to feel alone. Although, you are not. When I do think about trying to explain what it is to anyone besides my wife, who I have confided in and have gained a measure of acceptance with, I imagine it being received in such a way as to bring about utter disbelief and concern about my state of mind. Even though I now regard this as fact, and that nothing previous in my life would suggest I was otherwise inclined to fabricate stories of an implausible nature; I still suspect that it is nigh too impossible for many people to believe it exists. That, for me, is the dilemma that exists with wanting to share it, but knowing the receipt of such information would be taken as complete ludicrousness.