By August this year, I’ll officially hit my 5-year mark in this process. Now that I’ve gained some ground, there are some concrete features that I’ve observed with this invisible science. One of them would be a constant flux between feeling supported by some higher force, and absolute terror. Survival comes into question frequently. It’s become clear to me that Kundalini likes to hang out in these departments, located at both ends of the spectrum. I am constantly being tested with terrifying bouts of fear, followed by a sense of bliss, after Shakti confirms it’s presence through various forms of synchronicity, that yes, I am indeed being watched over by the great Mother, and being taken care of. Comfort and trust is restored. Some days I ask myself, “Will I choose love or fear today? Faith? Or unnecessary paranoia?” Light or darkness. I find myself swinging between heaven and hell. Lately I’ve been theorizing if this is Kundalini training me to be a spiritual warrior. Is this some form of preparation? Overtime, I have sensed that she is slowly making me fearless. By turning up the dial, increasing the frequency of fear routinely, to see how I’m going to handle it this time around. Welcome to Kundalini olympics, Shakti will be your host this evening. A spiritual breakthrough to me is when and/or if I’ll ever reach that zero-point. When the pendulum is motionless in the center, I’ll have reached a state of harmony. A perfect balance of polarities. I’m not sure if I’ll ever reach that point in this lifetime. I understand there is a purpose behind being tested by the divine. It doesn’t go away if I ask. Developing faith requires not having all the answers. The only thing I am certain of, is that nothing is lost in this process. That all the pain I’ve had to endure serves the greater good. Whether it’s physical, or mental, ultimately it’s sculpting me into the new person that Shakti, the great architect, wants me to be. Time will tell..... for now, it’s Heaven & Hell.
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