By August this year, I’ll officially hit my 5-year mark in this process. Now that I’ve gained some ground, there are some concrete features that I’ve observed with this invisible science. One of them would be a constant flux between feeling supported by some higher force, and absolute terror. Survival comes into question frequently. It’s become clear to me that Kundalini likes to hang out in these departments, located at both ends of the spectrum. I am constantly being tested with terrifying bouts of fear, followed by a sense of bliss, after Shakti confirms it’s presence through various forms of synchronicity, that yes, I am indeed being watched over by the great Mother, and being taken care of. Comfort and trust is restored. Some days I ask myself, “Will I choose love or fear today? Faith? Or unnecessary paranoia?” Light or darkness. I find myself swinging between heaven and hell. Lately I’ve been theorizing if this is Kundalini training me to be a spiritual warrior. Is this some form of preparation? Overtime, I have sensed that she is slowly making me fearless. By turning up the dial, increasing the frequency of fear routinely, to see how I’m going to handle it this time around. Welcome to Kundalini olympics, Shakti will be your host this evening. A spiritual breakthrough to me is when and/or if I’ll ever reach that zero-point. When the pendulum is motionless in the center, I’ll have reached a state of harmony. A perfect balance of polarities. I’m not sure if I’ll ever reach that point in this lifetime. I understand there is a purpose behind being tested by the divine. It doesn’t go away if I ask. Developing faith requires not having all the answers. The only thing I am certain of, is that nothing is lost in this process. That all the pain I’ve had to endure serves the greater good. Whether it’s physical, or mental, ultimately it’s sculpting me into the new person that Shakti, the great architect, wants me to be. Time will tell..... for now, it’s Heaven & Hell.
I appreciate your comments and am humbled by your commitment to your journey. The pendulum is real and when it is centered it is complete bliss...i am blessed that mine does stay centered the better part of every day....however, it is still just a "knowing" which keeps me strong and in my faith. I know I have heard this often in my life but it was never an option until after the Kundalini was awakened in me. We all have a choose each day, to either be happy or not. I only resolve to make the right choice.
Hello Sid, Extremes and intensity, Sure thing, I relate to experiencing both. I am thirty years into the process and the cycles are longer in some ways now but with short cycles within the longer cycles too. My process took me very very deep into the somatic experiences of violent abuse and also into various states of bliss, unity consciousness, universal self, and being "home. One with realisations of " you are home and always have been and there is nothing to heal" and then "you have to go back on the path for a while" that was 13 years ago and the journey since then has not come with the bliss and expansions and dream vision.intuition of the earlier years. I have the body burnout and nervous system burning and weakness but also mental some functioning which I didnt have in the early years where I was totally bed bound. I have some mental energy and will to ""serve, in my case through campaigning against 5G. My partner would agree, (he has awakened k) that we move from negative states with each other quickly to positives, This is why I would say these are the cycles within the more dramatic extremes of the early years of processing. What next? who knows? I sometimes long for the relief of the body symptoms, the burning and the weakness that came with the bliss states I had earlier in the journey and I am aware that this longing isnt all of me,- part of me is detached as some of the longing has burnt out of me . The journey and process seems unique in each of us. I wanted to map mine onto others with K for along time so I could find my way and realised I couldnt find the what next or unknowns y doing that but I can and do take great comfort, (and still so( from relating to others who know the extreme power of kundalini, as when speaking to others who dont know it, but think they do, (*how could you until experiencing this??) I felt so alone. my relationship to health routines like food and remedies is different too, my biology is different but my belief in the position remedies hold in the healing journey is different too. I find this quite isolating in spiritual, healing groups, any group really, I feel like the odd one out. Well wishes to you with being with the extremes.
I so relate to what you say here Sid about the swinging pendulum nature of K and the importance of faith and not- knowing. Thanks for sharing ;)