Dark night

I’m in a dark night of the soul. I’ve felt it for maybe the last six months or so and recently it has really hit me hard. Now, and on a few occasions over the last month or so, i find myself sensing an immense emptiness inside, a nothingness, loss of meaning, purpose, and motivation to do anything. What i once found interesting is no more. I literally sit and peer into my self and i am a shell of what i thought i was. What is the point of anything anymore? What does the kundalini actually mean to me? This is my second dark night in ten years since its inception and much more painful than the first. Is this all just a realization of the deep meaninglessness of the physical world and that the darkness i find myself shackled inside of, suffering from, is exactly what i need to to through in order to find some semblance of peace or love or purpose or whatever? I find myself crying alone these days and im not even sure why. Just out of the blue. Im angry. i feel dispossessed of everything and no real path to move forward on. I feel unsupported and uncared for In my life. I feel alone. I got a promotion at work, somehow, yet i dont even care. I hate chasing money. I hate what i do. i hate being stuck in this place im in right now. Its too much.

7 comments

7 Comments

Sue

Nov 02

Hello Mtgl70

I also found the Dark Night very painful because of the belief i was separated from my Beloved. Can't say i'm totally through this phase.

What i am experiencing now is the root of my suffering as well as my families being rewritten in Love.

mtgl70

Apr 20

Lament is a good word. That sounds about right. I probably lament over different things and certainly yearn for others, All part of the doldrums i find myself stuck in. I’m most bothered now by the emptiness I feel inside, because while i have at times felt alone and unaware on how to proceed in life, i’ve never peered inside and so clearly sensed The void i feel now, as if everything has already been extricated from my being, all that stuff i truly dont need or want, without necessarily me having anything to do with it, and now the canvas is blank in a way. The responsibility then now lies with me to figure it all out and rebuild, as if i already have it within me to go forth, i just cant see it. That unknowing is the misery, along with the fact i dont feel as though my old self is around anymore to at least prop me up to play the role. I kind of feel like its now sink or swim.

Kay

Apr 20

Hi, I read your post with interest and can relate. I have recently come through a similar experience and struggled to see any light which was obscured by emptiness and meaninglessness. I found just allowing myself the space to feel this was what got me through and i tried to tolerate the distress with grounding techniques, walking, breathwork.

I don't want to patronise you by suggesting and advising, yet i do feel pulled to ask you whether there is anyone you can spend time with to increase your experience of being cared about. Really glad you have reached out to the collective.

mtgl70

Apr 21

Replying to

i have a wife and 5 children, yet i am alone. i can't explain it and they aren't able to understand. my wife doesn't show an interest and in fact i think she is afraid of what it really is because it is so life changing, maybe because she senses it is an end to everything she knows and is comfortable with. maybe she should be...i think i resent that she shows no interest in what i'm going through, despite my pleadings to her for some sense of acknowledgment or understanding on how it is affecting my life.

Kay

Apr 24

Replying to

Sounds really lonely. I’m sorry to hear how tough it is for you at the moment. In my experience it is often those closest to us that can struggle to offer support during times of crisis. Did you check out the support section of the forum, there are some resources listed there.

mtgl70

Apr 25

Replying to

it is a bit. i'm not really a group person, although obviously i do write here and there online. i'm more of a deal with the pain and try to figure it out on my own kind of person. i think in the end, after going through the difficulties, we are more capable of things when we do it this way, despite the fact it perhaps lengthens the whole process itself. as strange as it sounds, there's something about being in the midst of pain and suffering, if you can realize what it really is as it happens, that to me is the whole point. that, if you can hold on and extract the lesson, that's the shit.

Jo Amadasun

Apr 20

Hello and thank you for sharing so openly the challenges you are going through lately.

Whilst reading your words, I found myself thinking about the word, "lamentation" which sounds very old fashioned but I looked it up and its defined as an expression of sorrow, mourning or regret. I think it could be seen as a form of prayer, possibly. Maybe it was in the past.

I think, when we experience periods of difficult emotions or wrestling with our thoughts and our very selves, it does prepare us for expressing more peace and love in the World, as you say. Almost, as if we have to experience and express one end of the spectrum in order to experience and express the opposite.

Just sharing a couple of thoughts in response to your writing.