Hi everybody! Earlier this year, in 2024, I experienced a Kundalini activation while living in a Catholic convent as a pre-postulant. I had quit my job at a bank and started studying nursing because I felt a deep call to serve humanity. Nothing I was doing seemed meaningful anymore, and I entered the convent wondering if following Christ was my true vocation.
Before entering the convent, I had been living a life of renunciation and detachment for about three years. I even attended church daily at times. However, a few years earlier, my life had been entirely different. I was living a materialistic, pagan lifestyle. I had a DJ boyfriend, bought Louis Vuitton bags and Burberry clothes, all for social validation among my high-class acquaintances.
Everything changed one night when I had a terrifying nightmare. In the dream, I felt an evil presence entering the house where I was staying in the dream. The dogs were barking, and I distinctly heard the name "Lucy" three times before I woke up, suddenly alerted. Eyes open I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. An old woman, dressed in what looked like hospital clothes, was standing by the opposite bedside. She had a vacant expression, seemingly unaware of my presence, but I was acutely aware of hers. Her long, dirty, curly hair and deathly face terrified me. Despite trying to rationalize what I was seeing, convincing myself it was a hallucination, she remained there even after I closed and reopened my eyes multiple times. Her appearance was ghostly, almost like a hologram. When I finally turned on the bright halogen lights in the room, she disappeared.
This experience left a profound impact on me. I began to wonder why this spirit hadn't moved on to the light, and it dawned on me that it might be due to attachment. I realized how much I needed to detach from many things in my own life. The next day, I went to confess to my neighborhood priest and gradually began to let go of tobacco, sex, porn, the need for a partner, masturbation, complaining... I was praying everyday, reading the Bible, and started to love God deep within me for having allowed me to see. My core smoothly changed as my heart transformed through attending church and embracing a Christian life. My interest in partying diminished significantly, and I began helping homeless people with some nuns. This journey eventually led me to quit my job, give up my apartment, and leave everything behind. That’s how I ended up in the convent.
After four months in the convent, I woke up one night with my entire body vibrating intensely, as if I were a conduit for electricity. I could hear a loud buzzing sound, but it was a pleasant sensation. Although I was awake, I felt like I was in a trance—it was incredibly peaceful. This experience repeated itself, and I began to search for answers cos I started worrying, wondering if what I was experiencing might be something evil. Eventually, I discovered the concept of kundalini and astral travel, which was difficult for my Christian mind to accept as real. However, my curiosity as a seeker drove me to explore further. I learned that to replicate the experience, one needed to focus on the vibration sensation.
That night, I lay in bed, relaxed, and recalled the vibrations. As if by magic, I began to feel a tingling sensation in my right eye, which intensified and spread to my left eye, then to my third eye. It felt as though my forehead was plugged into an energy source—thousands of neurons firing in unison at a single point. A part of my brain that had previously been dormant seemed to come alive. I felt a powerful surge of energy, like a fountain of light, emerging from my third eye, accompanied by sound. I was astonished, but I surrendered to the experience, trusting that nothing bad could happen to me in a convent while dedicating my life to God.
After that experience, every time I closed my eyes in the chapel, the tingling sensation in my eyes would return. Confused and desperate for answers, I eventually decided to leave the convent. I found explanations in Eastern teachings, with Osho being the first guru whose insights truly resonated with my experience. Once out of the convent on April 1st, I began meditating using Osho's techniques.
On April 13th, during meditation, I felt an overwhelming sensation of love that suddenly intensified. A light grew and filled my entire head, accompanied by vibrations. The light then seemed to rise out of the top of my head, as if I had become pure consciousness, and burst forth like a fountain, bringing with it a profound sense of ecstasy as it flowed downward. For a moment, I experienced a fusion with what I believed to be both God and myself, realizing that, in a different dimension, I was pure consciousness. When I returned from the experience and opened my eyes, I saw this reality being created before me, like an image slowly loading with golden drops. I began to suspect that this reality was a creation of the mind.
This event was utterly life-changing, bringing me two weeks of ecstasy during which my mind fell silent. After those two weeks, I returned to a my normal state, but a permanent sense of peace remained with me, and I understood what true beatitude was—not the Catholic concept of doing good to achieve blessedness, but a deep, inherent state of being.
A few months later, I attended a Vedanta retreat with a guru, seeking help to make this state of peace permanent. The retreat reignited my Kundalini energy at night, which was sometimes a bit scary, but now I can say that I feel that bliss once again, hope it stays. If my experience resonates with you and can be of help, I am happy to help! God bless you
Marina
I like what you write, but I would like to criticize some Christian conceptions in Buddhist and my own way. Kind of Christian.
First, the conception of Good and Bad. I like to talk about this myself, sometimes, as they are really good terms to explain some conceptions, but for Christian beginners, they sound way too absolute and serious. I want to philosophize about this a bit.
Following a Christian tradition, or Eucharist, as you spell it, is a good thing and also good for Buddhist - as Buddhism does not know good and bad, it's obvious that thinking in terms of good and bad or being black and white minded cannot be seen as definitely bad, because you cannot deny the concept of "bad" and in the same sentence, use the very same concept about the word or it's meaning itself. For Buddhist or Taoist, the words definitely remain in dictionary, but to use it in definite Christian sense would lead to many paradoxes and complications, which do not appear, if you use the words after contemplating on Buddhist and Taoist paradoxes. Buddhists use the words "Good" and "Bad" in the very definition of Karma itself. But it's like "above zero" and "below zero" - you cannot definitely say that winter is bad and the summer is good, but you see many signs, which you can interpret like this, for example spending more money on clothes or desperately needing a place to live in cold climate.
It gets even more complicated if you use some Christian extension to the words, where alcohol, sex and drugs are necessarily bad. They do not directly have to do with the conception of violence, even if in sex, men are somewhat more controlling than women and there is not much left of the equality of genders, rather they are quite different. I think you need three distinct conceptions, where "good" is good, but "bad" is divided into real bad, which might be making someone to suffer, and the "bad" of bad influence, which can be seen as thinking too small - for example, smoking cigarettes you don't think about a few last days of your life.
I think by showing your past life as lower and useless is unnecessary punishment of yourself and your experience. From a criminal, it would be okay to read that she had a very bad life before, but an experience changed her to not do the crime. Seeing the place of the criminal in the world or really forgiving them - this is more like a matter of God or very evolved people; common people would only be able to address the causes and some part in criminal, which is more human, to empower the good in this person.
In Universal harmony, the materialism is addressing the small things, particles, direct sensations of your life. Idealism or mindfulness are addressing the big things, such as your influence to humanity, future or your own cycle of reincarnations - something you cannot feel directly, but only as time and places would pass. You can see your ego being small, but the society is completely made of those small particles and you cannot heal it's body, without them getting help one by one. The many becomes meaningless without the ones. In your lifetime, you cannot help yourself much in general, without helping the matter. The line consists of many points, and to do an affine translation with the line, such as resizing or rotating, you would do the same for every point in the line. This would be unhelpful if the points are not turning themselves, but trying to turn the line, staying in the same direction themselves.
In beginning of getting higher, you see two forces - a strong force of your will, which is concentrated on here-and-now, on matter and social position of your own (karmic issue). A weak force coming from long experience of doing something for your life in general, your infinite life on Earth and Heaven, or the humankind in general. You are somewhat blind and weak in these big things. To concentrate on those, you have to make heavy sacrifice of your ego and local desires so that the energy becomes free to achieve the big.
But this is the beginning. Once you are completely able to calibrate your flow in the big things, or do good, you need to concentrate on the local again. You cannot depend on giving away your own current thing to serve your future, (meaning of) past, or others. In this context, the material life with all it's goods becomes good - you can see it's easier and smaller in the beginning, and an obstacle to overcome, but you have to understand it's a good thing in itself.
You seem to address your own, innocent past as a bad thing, and to seek "evil" in the situations you meet. But to be strong, eventually you have to integrate your past, find the true deeper good in your motives and become a wholistic personality, seeing that you was enlightened all the time. I have been through such "goodness" to destroy my personal life, and in effect, I lost noticeable part of the ability for good. I like this period, to seek the borders, another adventure, but I want to put this in bigger perspective.
Ego, the structure of your identity and the position in society, must be made flowing and released from it's static cramp, where it struggles to keep it's form. It's form must be dynamic and free, not stopping you from anything higher. Once you achieve this in training, continuation becomes bad - you have to see the meaning and place of your physical body, organizing the material environment, and living the life at it's fullest. This is the training, but once you are free, you have to find the integral of the body and mind, the low and the high - sometimes, you can say the high is good and the low is bad, but then, they becomes just directions you can unify; where the integral becomes good and the non-integral lies on the path for integration.
With "evil spirits", you have to consider, whether you are the helper or a judge. I describe an enlightened evil spirit. From the mathematical or logical boundaries of cause and effect, the side-effects, many bad things follow from our deeds. To build a bridge, you kill many insects in the place, but when you don't build a bridge, you deny a man in the wheelchair to get over the river. In both cases, you do something bad, logically. So something bad definitely appears. This negative vibration, vacuum necessarily existing, is a "bad" in life, but as it's unavoidable, it's hard to imagine, what the critics would mean to our consequences. Only slowly, we walk the road to kill less in both cases. Where it's full with the good things, it would be empty with the bad - this emptiness of wacuum appears in the mathematical structure of reality, and once this specific bubble of emptiness of building bridges recognizes itself, it becomes a bad spirit by it's vibration and vitality to live. It has to solve a lot - the tension in the Universe is constant and positive, and thus is the tension of vacuum and bubbles of emptiness, which by their logical tension want to solve the good. But there is not much good in building the bridge for them. If they appear in the mathematics of your mind, where the good things heal and build, the vibration of such bubble cannot do more than destroy your fact, deduce you and lie - but you have to understand it's intentions are good and it's flowing towards it's positive solution as much as it can. To give you something, it must represent it's evil nature, but you have many ways to look towards it. Being compassionate, you destroy some of your mathematics, become more free of the constraints and notice it's healing patterns and experiences you get. Any bad spirit will be happy as you solve it; especially an enlightened one, or if it's not, the nature would be more happy as you complain less. You cannot have such an "absolute", undeniable identity of good and bad, but rather, for evil spirits or Satan, you would contemplate on it's meaning and accept the world having the suffering. Your hologram of life appears local, it vibrates locally the forms of your identity, and the consequence of your deeds and words from the logic you cannot address vibrates in a way of ghosts and evil demons - but as it's coming from the good of the cosmos, being only a side-effect, once you kill it, you consequently hit the good, which is it's source. A demon you see is rather the far-reaching side-effect of good mathematics of Cosmos and people doing good, it's the vibration of the consequence further away than they can see. So, to see it properly, you have to be soulful with this - once you manage to kill the demon, those good people and this good mathematics would be hit as well, if you really do it. Such vacuum holes are left of everything, and once they recognize their mathematics and permanent presence on higher and higher levels of reality, same error structure coming from more and more subtle mistakes, they become living beings; to be true, they cannot do other than vibrating their nature, but their direction, above all, is to become the solutions rather than problems. Or, they are needed to give people the experience of overcoming them, thus coming from the future and not the past. Where you get compassionate and overcome the good and bad, you really let them live and try to help them further, with the direction of logical force being same in the good and bad - the people doing mistakes would definitely address them with their true will and not it's side-effect, once you solve the riddle with the evil spirit. How it can exist in the world seeking the good? Only by being it's side-effect or less evolved form. To find a "true evil" in the Cosmos, one fails, but if this would exist, we would still need some compassion about it's causes and effects - really, everywhere, the logic is running to solve, not to leave you with some impossibility.
You have to meditate on the causes of good and bad, and how to address them. To hurt what is hurting you, even if it's appearing as a bad spirit, which wants to do something indefinitely and forever as you; it cannot die when humans want to grow forever - they see the evil spirit in how they have not yet accomplished their next round, and when they calibrate their intent with possibilities, they start feeling as critical about their old devils in their new forms, still hiding and blinding the even higher realms and leaving people into mundane repetition of what they already had done. In this infinity, you have to become a really good friend with your evil demons and the Satan, considering their nature - darkness, not the opposite of light.
To address the darkness of your past life as being immoral, and your new life as being moral, is not very much related to this conception of good and bad, and God is measuring you gradually, not using the extremes of polar viewpoints. I am personally not much running to money and power, at least when it's not coming from my karma, but I do enjoy the world, which is made better by the rich. I am not very solidary in this disattraction from money - I do not help people to get rid of the Rich, unless they approach a direct crime I can see, and I do not get directly insulted by a black, big car designed for forest, or a black wall around a house. The man must hit me to provoke an insult. Indeed it's a shame if they need much more protection than me, but it can also be a side-effect of something they do. I know people, who directly insult a girl, who is contemplating on their looks and feels in everyday basis and not giving attention to talks about long-term profound goods; but I cannot be very sure in this. Definitely, I think that the enlightened people, who well fit into material world, would look very similar, despite having some philosophical conversations maybe - for example, one who took the path to enlightenment without sacrificing a material road is this: https://thebalancedblonde.com/. I like this kind of "contrast", where I cannot really understand, whether she is trying to talk about lipsticks or Zen on her website. Indeed, she is criticizing my Arcturian type of people on her website for "insulting" her, so she might have problems with conceptions, which fit into stereotype of classical insults and differ only by something subtle, hard to notice and important - a typical Arcturian insult. I insulted her like this in a comment, indeed, so that she did not answer. I don't need much more communication, but for me it's very important to fit this kind of person into my life and I will be happy once she would somehow becomes smarter by decoding this "insult". I have really insulted all the crystal children out of my life, because I really cannot be that much perfect. I need to express this imperfection somehow. These are the Arcturian matters in this life, we have to do the science and insult the poor (of it). Well you can be something else - I do like the pleiadians and sirians very much, even if I don't know what a "like" is worth.
So the wheel of life is looking much nicer if you appreciate the changes and flows in your life, and give meaning to them. Once you have found the great and the high, you find out that to best serve this, you have to fulfill the low and the small in you as well, and your experience as a material girl becomes important. In my circle of enlightened people, anything "spiritual" or "outwordly" is rather not visible unless it helps right now, and looking them it's hard to say they are not materialist, rather they seem full of life.
Note: My love for Jesus, the Catholic Church, and the Eucharist remains unchanged. I still go to church and pray, but I am now free from religious constraints. I am no longer limited by labels—I love God, and wherever God is praised, I find joy. I believe that all paths lead to the top of the mountain, and from the summit, we all must see the same truth. I can assure you that the path of Jesus, along with the Catholic Church and the Eucharist, leads to the summit of the mountain, and I am a testament to this.