Hi I believe I have had several of these in my life but this has been the one closest to ‘psychosis’ (I know a hell of a lot about diagnoses so knew it wasn’t that) and extremely physically painful
It happened after a wild year of adventures last year when I was exhausted from running my mental health social enterprise for 10 years (I’ve been a therapist for 20) and beginning divorce process with husband of 37 years.
I did a bunch of tantric massages in Madeira, Italy and Portugal as well as London (where i live) - basically because I hadn’t had good sex for at least 20 years.
I was also trying to recover from neurological long covid which causes similar symptoms to ka so difficult to know which is which
Then I went to Nepal and India - to Nepal to speak at a conference and India to go to an Ayurvedic retreat. It was a pretty bizarre place and after nearly being assaulted there I took a nightmare 6 hour taxi journey to Cochin to stay with a couple of people I’d met on the retreat
On the journey my brain felt like it was spinning out of control and I thought I was going crazy. The first or second night at the hotel I had a night of bizarre visions (nothing outside my body - just a waking dream behind my closed eyes) that included a lot of mathematical stuff about coding, lots of thoughts about karma, past lives and goddesses, and a whole series of spontaneous whole body orgasms
Since then I am in London going through a long and grinding process of divorce from my abusive husband - living alongside but in different parts of house - which will probably go on til late autumn or winter
I sleep very badly because of the continual energy surging through my system but do take diazepam to help with both that and the intense burning and tingling in the body
I’ve found it useful to rest as much as I can talk to friends and also drop it into conversations, mske light of it, and try to educate others around me including psychiatrists of whom I know many
The main issue for me is intense nerve pain and fasciculations - as I said, indistinguishable from Long Covid. Also for a while, the fear of being sectioned but as a mental health professional I knew how to fend that one off.
I post about this regularly on my LinkedIn page if anyone wants to look - Nicky Forsythe.
Would be pleased to meet up with anyone in London going through stuff like this
That’s all for now!
Nicky
Well, I am not in London and I have not gone through any of what you are experiencing, except for living with an abusive spouse. Getting away and staying away is the best, and only solution to that situation. However, I believe kundalini is a positive force, although the journey can be challenging. Perhaps, my recent post "The Ascension Journey" will offer some guidance. Also, this quote by the poet Rainer Maria Rilke, seems appropriate: “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”