My name is Katie and I am a 46 year old woman living in the suburbs of Pennsylvania with an activated kundalini learning to love my process.
I grew up in an Irish Catholic home with a very strict mother and a fun loving father who struggled with alcoholism. My childhood home felt very imbalanced with a dynamic of polar opposite parents in their way of being. I went to Catholic school from 1st through 12th grade and attended church twice a week with my mother and older sister until I graduated high school in 1997.
At the age of 7, I was convinced I was going to hell for having a crush on a boy and sexual curiosity that I explored with my childhood friends because of the 7 deadly sins I learned about in 2nd grade. Much of my sexual exploration as a child was natural; however, pornograpahy viewing had painted a disrespectful view of my own sexuality. Mixed with religious dogma and fear, I carried a deep shame.
My parents divorced when I was 11 and my heart shattered. My father was my hero and my best friend. His own PTSD from the Vietnam War led him to drinking and my parents couldn't work it out. Despite his issues, he was a wonderful father while they were married. He was present, fun, loved music and a light hearted , kind man. After the divorce, his drinking led him down a very hard road and his guilt kept him away from my sister and I. I felt alone in my home as I never felt a deep connection with my mother. Her strict parenting was harsh and I no longer had my dad to keep me safe from the tyrannical rule. I picked up my 1st drink at age 12.
Drinking took me to a place that soothed my heartache. We didn't discuss our feelings in our home, so alcohol became the way I coped. By high school, I was the party girl with a wild streak and a promiscuous side , looking for a boy to replace the loss of my father's presence. My partying continued into Marijuana, psychedelics and eventually more illicit drugs. I graduated high school with my diploma and severe cocaine addiction.
When I entered college, I was lost. And after a dosing on mushrooms, the trip didnt leave. 2 weeks after my mushroom trip, I began seeing the Virgin Mary, snakes and experiencing synchronizations as well as mediumship. Bliss set in and I was in love with the world. "God didn't forget me" I thought. In 1997, I had no access to the internet as we do today and clearly did not understand what I was experiencing. The bliss began to wear off and trauma was surfacing. As my shadow and repressed trauma surfaced, I was drowning in fear. I became suicidal and was hospitalized in a psychiatric unit. Medication stabilized me and I was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. The issue however; as I now understand, my shadow was never integrated and all of my trauma had once again been repressed into my body without finding the light.
For the next 16 years, I deeply struggled. I no longer trusted my mind, body or life in general. I continued to abuse drugs like heroin and crack cocaine and experienced severe domestic violence. At the age of 34, I was arrested and gratefully set me on a path to recovery.
July 6 2013 is my clean date. With the help of a 12 step program ,I was able to rebuild my life and practice spiritual principles. I became a productive member of society, rebuilt family relationships and created a new life. I was happy. Happy until I wasnt that is.
I always questioned what happend to me in college. I was no longer on medication for bi-polar disorder and never forgot the beautiful synchronizations I experienced. As I neared my 10 year anniversary and approached my mid 40s, I started wondering..is this really all life is? Depression was setting in.
My friend in recovery experienced a spontaneous kundalini awakening in 2023 as she lived her dream of traveling the country. She was guided to places for spiritual healing in her journey and called me every day. I was fascinated. As she shared her story with me, I began remembering. She sent me an article about kundalini and snakes. I knew at that very moment my experience in 1997 was not bi polar disorder, but rather kundalini with pyschosis.
I visited her in Colorado and experienced a deep shift in conciousness and a jolt in my lower back at a concert at Red Rocks amphitheater. All while I was completely sober. On my return home from this trip, the world I once knew with visions , vivid dreams and energy was back and powerful. I called a dear friend of mine in recovery who is a pyschic medium and she explained I was experiencing a kundalini awakening.
The bliss was great. Deitys I never heard of were guiding me and I was so expansive. It was also short-lived. I was terrified of being hospitalized again. I knew I needed help. I was guided to a Shamanic practitioner in my local area who taught me Reiki and I began attending her Mystery School which deeply focused on shadow work and healing modalities. I was now healing, but due to the severe trauma of previous pyschosis , I needed assistance deeper than just school. I was divinely guided to Emilia Lapinska, the creator of fieldbody.com.
My very 1st session with Emilia was an immediate light switch to help me embody the light while deeply healing from a life filled with religious indoctrination, substance abuse and violence. A technique called Quantum Energy Coaching (QEC) reprogrammed the subconscious and allowed this powerful enegy to flow while clearing blockages of stagnant energy. This work not only opened me to an innerstanding of my life's journey but allowed me to be more open to the Shamanic practices I learn about in my Mystery School. The body holds the answers and letting go of old stories was a pivotal shift for me. Learning to be present and safe in that moment through body movement and listening to my body's needs with Emilia's ability to hold space for my journey has truly saved my life.
I am still on the journey and learning to love myself deeply , shadow and all. It has not been easy, but the Catholic dogma has lessened and I have the inner knowing that my rebellious nature was my greatest asset to take me to my soul's truth - a new belief system that is deeply held by Mother Nature and the cosmos. I am answering my soul's calling and holding space for others through energy work and providing soundbaths. Peace is possible when we allow ourselves to become whole. ✨️
