I have a weird condition called Aphantasia, which doesn't allow me to picture images in my head. I can recall things I've seen but they only show for a fraction of a second and can never focus on them. They are always blurry, disappear too fast or simply change. I can only describe it as trying to catch fish with an oar. It has never bothered me, I only discovered it was a thing about 2 years ago and it has never stopped me from doing anything. Not even drawing.
When I first came to London my English was... well, atrocious. I was determined to learn as fast as I could so I didn't use my mother tongue for anything, not even thinking. My thoughts couldn't find an easy way out so they found a voice in images I saw around me. Some of them were fascinating and I started copying them in my diary. The results amazed me and I drew every day, never knowing how the final piece would look like.
Drawing has helped me in my process in several ways:
I don't keep my drawings, I always give them away. This letting go of them makes drawing a sort of meditation for me. I find joy in doing but don't feel attached to the outcome and not knowing how they will look like turns the process into a discovery were I am not driving, I simply let things happen.
I don't draw deliberately, only when I I feel the need of it. It is not a hobby or a means to make extra money (I don't do commissions). If an image gets stuck in my head then I know I have to take the pencils.
Whenever I am drawing my sense of time disappears and I enter this feeling of flow. I am here and now. Only this line in my head, only this dot. Since I have to copy images (either what I'm seeing or a picture) there is no thought, no planning. I see and I draw, that's all.
There is no practising or turning this into a skill. I never took classes and I I have learned by doing, but the focus has never been the technical side. I know that by being present, patient and doing it with an open heart I will draw whatever it is that I need to express. There is no pride in it, for there is no accomplishment. I am interested in drawing and the feeling that comes with it, that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing beacuse it calls to me.
Here is a link to some of my drawings in the Creativity section of the website: