Hello everyone, I have analyzed many of the suggestions and opinions regarding the dark night of the soul, I have read that the best thing we can do is not resist and let go. However, in practice it is not so easy, I have been with kundalini awakening for 8 years. At first I did not understand the meaning of the symptoms and manifestations, which in my opinion were quite dramatic and then everything became complicated by the resistance and having sought help in people who said they knew how to handle this energy, which left me with more health complications than I already had. Nowadays I try to get ahead every day, I am a teacher in the nursing area, but honestly there are days when I am tired (since I had complications with kundalini I feel too much physical fatigue) I try to give up, however my only option is work, I can't stay at home and I don't have financial support from anyone. I have tried several remedies to combat the fatigue situation but it ends up being useless since it seems that my kundalini does not respond to external treatments of any kind, this year I turn 32 years old, my awakening began at the age of 23 and since then my life has consisted in surviving the symptoms, I currently have no friends and I have no partner since the process began which makes me feel quite lonely and a little strange since in my country it is not common to be without a partner for so many years, all of the above makes me feel too much personal frustration, I mentally understand that I should not resist the plan of my soul but my heart longs to have had a very different life and I do not know how to handle these feelings of helplessness and humiliation, I have lost many job opportunities due to my physical disability that would have guaranteed a much better economic life, I have a sister who is the pride of my parents, because she has succeeded in every way, for my father I have failed in everything.
It is difficult and painful for me to think that I will be in these conditions for the rest of my life, I think that it is very difficult to belong to Western society and be living a process of transformation alone and without the understanding of anyone around you, having to deal with the judgments and the confusion that the entire process generates in addition to the physical symptoms.
Many years ago before I woke up I imagined that at 32 years old I would find myself married, with children and a settled home, I am 5 days away from a new year of life and I can only feel disconnection with life, sadness and hopelessness, I try to connect with divinity and with my own kundalini, however I feel that in my reality things do not change, I honestly feel stagnant and really want to leave the body and be able to rest.
I have to deal a lot with the suicidal thoughts that come to my mind, I feel very disoriented in life, I feel that by having a kundalini awakening we lose the sense of orientation that is outlined for everyone in Western society, it is like losing. the map and you no longer know how to live, honestly I have been feeling abnormal for years and I don't know how to continue surviving
In your experience, what do you recommend or suggest to deal with frustration and the fact that your lives took turns you never imagined. I would love to read them, blessings to all and thank you.
I don't speak English, use a translator, sorry if it's not very precise.
Oops some things I forgot ..please read my comments in order, starting from above.
Your tune-in frequency can be affected by those factors; I think we all initially are something like this:
Believing in main-stream values of society, so that you act like a main-stream class. This is the society, which is smiling to you at TV, you appear to be a "normal" member of such structure and thus you attract this only; but the connections tend to break.
You have read a bunch of self-help books, which help to attune to frequency of investors, success-based people who say only "yes" (to money, to power). These people are very positive and they are very happy about earning money, they only smile. This is not good for you, rather they need to have gone through some troubles and pains, and become responsible about the problems brought by spirituality - you have less time and energy for mundane business, and you are not so happy about the world in general. You have said "no" to many things and you cannot be very happy and optimistic, saying "yes! yes!" to everybody in a meaningless event. So if you tuned into those books - it's very real that this tuning works, and changes in personality, but the direction itself, where you tune, is not so good ..your subconscious mind might be entirely busy with this frequency and it might not open up the opportunities you need, or send signals you need to be sent.
You family class. I am working to not seem a part of my family class, which is well-known writers, an educated middle class - those people think the people I really need do not belong to their circles, as they draw rather nature than cryptic abstract art, and they write rather about morale, than something really modern. But I had all the movements, the signals, and the expectations of this class; so they connected to me, but in a while - disconnected as something felt off a little bit. So you have some class you got from your parents, and with your relationship with your father - you don't like to obviously belong there.
Your frequency is where your energy works, and when you use your willpower, you basically try to signal those people to bring some change into your life. When they feel the willpower of people they understand, they make up the flow and abundance, and they also resolve the problems they feel justified. When your energy works in these circles, they find out the flow brings them to situations they do not understand, and they heavily work to block all your energy in their circles - as a result, you always see hopeful energy patterns, but as soon as you use your power to make them into effect, they do clever tricks to become invisible, and to become something other than you expected; once again it takes the direction of your failure. Now, when you tune into frequency of people, who share your values, they integrate all those energies, including yours - and thus, when you use your willpower, things can happen like magic. For other "yes"-people, in their own frequencies, the "Secret" works, everybody is flowing free and the energy - it becomes positive. For you, you need to change the frequency, so that in your new tune-in, it would resonate with the desires of people there, and thus, they start to bring in what you desire. They are not the yes-people, as they have worked with the negative energies you feel, like the weakness and tiredness, and integrated all this work so that they are responsible about situations, where those energies are needed to be taken into account.
I did one more thing further to the magic. Imagine that your tune-in ends in frequencies, which do not even exist - these people are not born. I think that through quantum miracles, you can tune-in into different worlds, and in reality, you take direction to non-existing places. This is the quantum shift, and if your frequency is the world, where such people do not live - still invest some time to feel their souls responding, and believe that in quantum field, you can move closer to such potentials. This is my personal thing to do that - I also want to be a part of better society, which does not exist. I think in quantum shift, the present, past and future all move, and you can attune to the quantum realms apart from yours, or the ones, which do not even exist. Your chakras should be extended to catch these vibrations, possibilities and opportunities, so that you could also be a co-creator. I really think people exist, who you need, and thus such high magic is not very important - but to be whole, a coherent whole, we need our attunings get over the realm of existence, a little bit into the realm of infinite potential of things to appear; and by having this energy, you also do a little work for these people to help them create themselves, and to see positive frequencies in this world, where they might want to be born; or where they want to connect their quantum timelines. The other parts of my letters even an atheist could understand - we send some signals about our needs and desires, and others respond those signals to make us powerful or powerless. This part - it's about being part of the effects of quantum potentials, which can turn something into reality when it fits the structures of reality; also, you can meditate for the future, where more of such people exist - our Soul Family is kind of the structure of connections we make to create the Future Race, it's a big chemistry to make those children we need, in unified effort; so, for example, a man can have a chemistry with 1000 women, who all, in result, contribute to his grandchildren, maybe 10 or 100 generations, and they already make some family; I think this is one of the purposes of Higher Love - our Root chakra sees our past family, and our Crown sees our future family. Also, when we attune to allow those people to exist in our dimension, who we really want, it's easier for them to become into existence here. By inviting the Crown of Creation into your tune-in process, you can make it much more magical and miraculous, and open up the dimension or your own realm for the beings, which might want to come here. The uncertainty factor is there in quantum physics, by which the reality exists only as a potential, until you have measured it - so, the case which people are here on Earth, exists also as a potential, and the aliens we see might have both potentials: depending on where we tune in, they either exist or do not exist. So the tune-in process must be grander than only choosing from the existing possibilities, a harmonic soul would create a direction or tune-in, which also allows the quantum uncertainty to manifest into different realities. By this, you necessarily do not have to believe it fully, but the technique - tuning into realm you want - does not change, but sometimes you overcome some felt impossibilities, allowing those energies also ta flow freely, should they exist; you might also not see all the possibilities of how they can turn into reality. So not to be limited by reality, but still considering it - it makes your energy flow free, and in case the obstacles you see are really not present, you can overcome them. You create a karmic connection with sphere bigger than reality, and thus you can call yourself a spiritually creative person - maybe the people change, maybe your connection network changes, but maybe the quantum reality undergoes a miracle or an act of creation; you don't always need to know how, but from your side, you have allowed the miracle to happen. Most generally, as you are also here-and-now, you consider all of the probable, possible and impossible; you need to attune to frequencies, which exist, but be free for even wider change; and this might turn out that they really existed - you won't know surely, whether this is a quantum shift.
I want to say that the materialist people, they move from religion to religion to where there is the money and power. They were Christians, when those had these things, many became atheists when money moved there; when Soviet Union collapsed, most definite such communists immediately became capitalists - others managed to think further based on their beliefs, and generally liked the change, but did not change so overwhelmingly. If you have simple "yes" or success philosophy, measuring the most obvious "yeses" in life - this philosophy is that you have a belief system, by which you can survive, and this is the truth itself.
I think that approaching such people is hard case in life, and for spiritual people - this is one thing I want to avoid in creating my circles these days, the very simple "yes"-people.
Otherwise, you constantly send signals about your expectations about yourself and others. Sometimes strangers start to talk, but they are very careful about these signals, so that they get accepted. If you send wrong signals, you start to connect, but always something happens - the stories signaled finish badly, and so you feel a block which does not let you talk to strangers, or get deeper with people you meet.
You need a realistic balance - your work should not make you stressed, and be against to your inner feeling; by such feeling, some things you do relatively easily, with interest and motivation; doing other things creates pressure. Also, you must not rely on changes you do in future, like getting rid of your tiredness - this is not here and now. You need to accept yourself as you are, with all the limitations, and change your signals so that you attract people, who can manage in the world with all these problems, and still find these friends useful and necessary in their lives. They live differently to do so. Probably, you signal a poorer class than before - I guess you got the class signals from your parents, and those are too demanding for you -; so with different signals, you tune-in to different wavelength, different reality, which can be better to you. Often, people talk about how to tune-in to environment of success-people or yes-people, but you need to do similar process to tune into environment of people, who also have their spiritual burdens and work, and who do not think that you are going through things which never happen to them - for such people, supporting you is not creating their own environment; they want to help all people, who get similar troubles with them, and not waste their money to support failures, which do not happen to them. Then, they have created an environment, which manages united money and support system very much optimally for them; those people and their civilization depends on monks and hermits, people who raised the level of civilization, but gave away personal success - but they cannot see that far to think that this, also, is their karma that they might not deserve this civilization with all it's goods themselves.
Meditate on all the problems you see in yourself about work, and all the "impossibilities" you see in people's reaction. Those are probably made-up and with your free energy, all the resources you need could be easily created. You need to meditate over the impossibilities you see in yourself such, that you do not let yourself further. Now, instead of having the unrealistic dream about how you overcome all this, rather think that this is not for you - change your attitude so that you want to get all you need, with the input you are willing to give, and the environment of people, who support such cause. Probably you find out that your salary could be made in few hours per day, it's not so hard to do it with modern-day machines and knowledge; theoretically I think you could find this out. But anyway - you need to let go of these unrealistic dreams, and instead dream about life built on realistic basis, on the person you are, and people, who can work with such person without falling into psychological problems, expectations and demands. When the environment is too demanding, it's not realistic.
I personally did this meditation, and suddenly I felt a very strong tuning, the frequencies changes, and there was a slight, but very convincing feeling of a soul mate or a twin flame for a moment, which I had not felt before. I imagined all the circles I want to connect, and I changed the expectations whenever I felt there is the impossibility in expectations. I meditated to let the new image and frequency vibrate through me, so that people would not be feared, but they would connect, if they fit this image. I also changed my world view to move from more capitalistic to more socialistic image; indeed, I still want every person to earn the money they deserve, which you do not always get in communism - but the feelings of more supportive circles, which accept the meditative breaks and spiritual undergoings, this is what is needed, and the meditation felt quite powerful, like a little material enlightenment/awakening for me, and the material inspiration was flowing in. So it was more or less the experience I wanted, and seemed to work strong like magic - the magic I did about my past class or circles, this magic started to fail, you cannot attune to anything if it's so much against what other people think.
I don't know what to do with the physical thing - I also feel more tired and I have become weaker, maybe there is something to awaken the body and maybe not. I think some people would suggest you to do yoga.
The other part is the material part - that you lose friends, lose family, and have hardships with your work. I have lost everything, I just jumped to the water in the beginning, from a very good job and nice girlfriend, I started to look something and it's also already 10 years.
Now, I feel I start to recover. When I faced all those problems, I suddenly got the Material Experience of what it is if you "live in the here and now". This is the part of Buddhist teaching you can study, also opening the root chakra - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QlkaX8Y5FOM&t=155s, and how to love yourself - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Vwcn4hMWvM.
What I did learn, which could help you as well:
I saw the light in this thing: I am the rewarder and punisher of myself, and I block things I feel I do not deserve. I choose friends, who want to see my future success or they want to see this hope in my face. I behave as if I needed to meet people, who have this success culture. But what I really need: to change the whole attitude and personality of me so that I look for people, who I can help and who have time for me in case I really stay as imperfect as I am in the material world; I need to change this expectation in myself and the expectation I look in others, to reflect who I really am.
The people I look for, I started to look for such people a long time ago, when I believed in different things. Today, I need to look for people, who have lower criteria in material, and who share similar problems and struggles - from this understanding, a healthy circle of friends is possible.
I cannot change myself, and I cannot create in me, an interest of the job I had before; it's too meaningless straight to my bones - there is a reaction against such job. I feel those thing, which appear, are unrealistic - I see many problems, which would appear in future work relations, should I continue on the same path. But to create everything humans need to live, it's much more easy these days and would not need any unrealistic goals. Feel who you are, what you can do - and that the work and people you look for, they need to accept that; they need to accept any difficulties you have and look for the work environment you deserve. When you cannot change yourself to meet your expectations, you need to change your expectations.
Maybe you are used to be a capitalist, and maybe you even search for richness. You don't need to do that - think about how people can help each others to survive, and bring the stability you need in union. When you need to get the money you earn, and not just share; you also need to understand that sharing is the power, and makes money on it's own. So change to the Left, become a person, who sees a society, where people help each other with simple things, like milk and the bread, as Christ suggested, and feel the emotion of such more relaxed life, which does not have the running, pretending and demanding nature of success-based culture. So you need to change, to accept such people, and to see that when they might not be so successful, maybe they are even lower class - but they are what you need. Change your class feelings based on that, become less demanding yourself and accept such people, who really want to do it together, and accept all their limitations; so that they finally help even the weaker. In modern society, with modern technology - you really do not need to do so much to have deserved the food and an apartment, and do not connect yourself with mentality to become rich; becoming rich is a good thing, but even this happens more probably if you do this - just look for supporting community, where you don't have to be rich, and people who help enough to provide you with stability; think that without such people, if you only hope for pension, it's not enough, you need to look for social personality, which lives in the support of community.
In short: do not change yourself, if you cannot do so; change your expectations. If you belong, naturally, to high class, which does not care of the poor, or an atheist class, which does not care about religious pursuits - you need to change your class, on the streets and when you make friends, send different signals, accepting the weaker and accepting the seeker, and change your social nature into what you are really capable of. In one class, you might be a loser - in another class, you are just a normal person with their troubles and pursuits; sometimes, you have a whole you sending signals of hope that you one day do what the high class demands - but you need to send signals that you accept the other class into your life, and maybe this is the class of the future.
Hello Claudia
By chance, do you teach in a hospital? Personally i became very sensitive to energies
especially in medical & funeral settings.
Hi Claudia,
Firstly, to acknowledge where you are on your journey and how isolating and hardcore it can be, the mental processes and solitude. I've been there.
I also suffered from chronic fatugue for many years during my KA(Kundalini Awakening) and I shared an article a couple months ago about how I navigated it.
But I wanted to share tools from a more practical side (what worked for me)
-Grounding, connecting to the earth through meditations, walking barefoot on soil but also spending time with grounded people, if you have some around you, you just need one. I spent alot of time in coffee shops, mostly just slumped back in a chair lol with my friend but it brought me comfort somehow.
-Keep moving the body, yin yoga, walking, anything gentle but keep moving the energy around.
-Supplements like a complex magnesium to support your nervous system
-Breathwork (pranayama to balace the sympathetic and parasympathetic)
-Binaural music, this calmed me enormously, I spent hours floating away...you can look at Nature Healing Society
In terms of work, I worked for myself and somehow I didn't work much but had enough to sustain me. I kind of just gave in to the that fact that I couldn't work much and was supported. If you were like me major fatigue used to hit and I'd have to just sleep. Ask your guides for help, (do you have a spiritual practice?) to support you, be specific about what you need.
The process can really suck 😂, I don't know of a more elevated word to use, it seems fitting.
Try give yourself as much of a nurturing and supportive environment that you can.
Also, try watching something silly, like comedy, I used to do a bit of that too, or I would sit laughing with my friend, we were both going through processes and we would find hilarity in our despair somehow. That helped and also moved some energy around.
Sending you hugs dear Claudia.
Natali
Yes that is right,,,,,,,,it is this Friday at 7pm GMT...and the Zoom link is in the Forum under KC events ...and in the newsletter.
If Claudia wanted she could ask if there was a Spanish speaker on the call that might want to connect with her....just a thought.
Thank you so much Claudia for your sharing. You are not alone. I think many members of the Collective can identify with what you have experienced.
I think many of us have to accept that the norms and expectations of Society do not fit in with our true life path. This can be difficult.....but we will not find contentment by trying to be who we are not.
I am sorry, but I do not speak Spanish....but there must be some members of the Collective that do.
If it would be helpful we could ask people at the Zoom meeting if anyone did speak Spanish, and if they did if they wanted to contact you throuh the Menbers' Chat on the website?
Thank you again for your sharing...it is really valuable and helpful to others....and please feel free to share again.
Hi Claudia, thank you for sharing some of what's present for you. I hear you, loud and clear and can relate to much of what you've written. I think it was just before my 36th birthday when I was sitting in a Kundalini Collective peer support group, crying because it felt possible that I wouldn't have the things that I’d imagined I'd have in my 30s (eg children) and pulsing with anger about the kundalini process and the fatigue and pain it’s brought.
Now, two years on (and 11 years into the 'main body' of my kundalini awakening) and I am in a very different place.
Phew.
What happened? For me, this has been a journey of going a day at a time…
of trusting the process when I felt able, surrendering to it when I could and allowing myself to feel the anger, resistance or grief when it was there.
And (most importantly) of being
Very
Very
Kind to myself.
In any and all ways possible.
And so I invite you to open to self compassion and to going, simply, a moment
at a time with this.
Things can shift quickly and unexpectedly and, truly, the acceptance/surrender/lessening of the kundalini symptoms you’re wanting could come at any time.
You’re not alone, sister and it’s great that you’ve reached out to this community.
Are you aware of the monthly peer support groups? You’d be most welcome to attend.
Ellie Paskell 🌊🌳🙏