Your Awakening Story

As a creative introvert, I have struggled with social anxiety, depression, and substance abuse for most of my 60 years’ of life, and have tried numerous types of therapies and medications over the years, with minimal results other than general emotional numbing and disconnection.

Yet, I have always felt a deep sense of groundedness and connection when I could occasionally “lose myself” in my artwork, gardening, hiking, or listening to certain music – when all thoughts had faded away and I was lost in experience. So I knew, intuitively, that inner peace was possible if I could remain connected to whatever this was.

In September 2024, I read an article about how these manifestations of emotional dysregulation were the result of blockages in my energy flow which could be resolved by reprogramming the subconscious – through subconscious dialogue and connecting with the body. Apparently, this approach is also effective for PTSD and chronic pain as well.

This is what led to me connecting with Emilia Lapinska at Fieldbody (fieldbody.com).

As we began to work together over the following weeks, I became aware of “shifts” in my internal experience. Many of my agitated states began to lighten and a general sense of groundedness began to appear.

On October 24, 2024, our session felt particularly “deep” – like we had accessed something at my core which I had never experienced and is truly beyond words. As our session ended, I noticed my calves had started vibrating intensely, and this vibration was slowly moving up my legs. I mentioned this to Emilia and she asked me to let her know how I was feeling the next day.

I had no idea what was happening but that night – and over the weeks to come – I experienced a sense of blissfulness and connection to something all-encompassing and spacious, unlike anything I had experienced before.

When I spoke with Emilia the next day, she introduced me to the term “Kundalini Awakening” and explained that that was likely what I was experiencing.

At this point, I felt like I was attached to a firehose of light/energy flowing inward at the base of my spine and spreading through my entire being. My perceptions of the world around me – my family, where I live, people at the store, everything – took on a different tone. At the risk of sounding hippy-dippy, everything seemed to be effused with love.

Everything around me and everything I did suddenly seemed to have a charge of “rightness” or “wrongness”. Processed foods felt wrong so I avoided them. Working in the garden felt right so I did more of this. I began to lose weight and look noticeably healthier. I also realized that this new level of empowerment was exactly what I needed to be able to begin weaning myself off the psychiatric meds and mood-altering substances I had been consuming.

My taper started in January 2025 and felt easy – so much that I increased my tapering.

I started to feel mild withdrawal symptoms until, out of the blue, my blissful energized state was obliterated by darkness. All the anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and general agitation that had been gone since 10/24/24 had returned stronger than ever before.

And The Darkness informed me that all this bliss and energy was an illusion; the Darkness told me it was the truth and always would be going forward.

I felt like this was a personal failure and was hesitant to bring this up with Emilia. Over the following 3 weeks, I did all the things I had grown accustomed to doing all my life, pushing down my emotions to try to avoid feeling them, while my body protested with rigidity and pain.

Despite this, I still felt “tethered” to the light/energy but it felt weak – almost like it was reminding me it was still there and ready to flow when I was ready to do the work to process and integrate these emotions. But, what little connection to the light/energy that remained, felt topsy turvy – like ungrounded euphoria.

When I finally mentioned all of this to Emilia, she helped me to clear these blockages, ground myself by accessing my root chakra, and help me to return to alignment in one session.

After a few weeks of stabilizing, I resumed my taper schedule. But this time, knowing that Emilia would be there to help me work through any difficult periods, I was able to continue…on schedule, and then ahead of schedule…until I took the last dose on May 31, 2025!

Over this same period, I had noticed that all of the anxiety that had plagued me since I was a little kid, was nowhere to be found, no matter how much I mentally scanned my body looking for it out of habit.

I had been taking the maximum dosage on 3 psychiatric medications and was using a very large amount of kratom (35 grams/day) when I started down this path. And, based on everything I’ve read I expected significant, excruciating, prolonged physical and mental withdrawals.  Aside from my 3 weeks of Darkness in February, my only difficulties were with the occasional random spells that I described as “waves of weirdness” – that I felt only as physical discomfort, not emotional AND physical (which is much more overwhelming).

I attribute this shift in how I experienced the withdrawals, and related shifts of energy flow, to the somatic work with Emilia – focusing on where these emotions reside in the body, and not with the “stories” our minds try to frame them with. I’ve learned that, just by shifting our context from being story-based to body-based, negative emotions seem to drop their “charge”. This awareness has been a game-changer for me.

I started this process with Emilia as basically a non-spiritual person with no knowledge of Kundalini or of her type of work. I still don’t understand most of it. But, after only 8 months, I have been able to do things, and experience things, that I never thought possible. This journey has not been without challenges but, with Emilia’s support and intuition, I have all the things I’ve yearned for in life.

If you are having challenges with your journey, or just have questions about your experiences, Emilia is highly recommended!

She can be reached through her Fieldbody website: https://www.fieldbody.com/