My kundalini story
So my story begins in my childhood. Long story short I went through a rough childhood... Trauma and such. Fast forward some years to 2016, I was meditating on my bed to those "awaken third eye/kundalini" videos on YouTube. I NEVER expected it to work for my third eye let alone a whole kundalini awakening but this was just one bit of a whole. So as I was meditating, I felt a cool liquid go up my spine and into my brain. I felt like I was dying but at the same time oddly peaceful and confused. I did not know what was going on, if only I realized I went through the most impactful event of my life. After the cool liquid, I started smiling and felt intense bliss and peace. I entered a dream-like state after that and was never the same.
In the following months, I would awaken some psychic abilities or siddhis as it's called in Kundalini terms. Like the ability of visions in dreams, the ability to communicate with spirits, and the ability to manifest with intense potency. One year later in 2017, I entered one of the worst "psychotic" episode ever. I believe it was just me not being able to handle Kundalini properly and awakening it through trauma so something snapped. It was so horrible and extreme, but notice how I did not hear any voices, see hallucinations or other classical psychotic symptoms. Just some paranoia and intensified emotions/mood swings. The psychiatrists took advantage of this and diagnosed me initially with first-episode psychosis and after some months paranoid schizophrenia. However, I never felt like the diagnosis fit me, especially considering how I never had any voices/hallucinations AKA the classic symptoms of psychosis.
I managed to recover for some time and after years of having this diagnosis, I finally questioned if I even had it. It's after I did some research these past 2 years that I realized I am not actually crazy but it was all kundalini. I researched online how I felt a cool liquid up my spine, felt intense euphoria most of the time, had psychic abilities and how walks in nature calmed my symptoms. Initially I thought, Kundalini? An intense and much sought after awakening? There's no way I could have achieved that. So I dismissed but it stuck with me.
I accepted it after some months because it resonated way too much after I did some more research. I also asked people online and listed my experience and symptoms and they were like "Yep, that's kundalini!". So now it's the present and I am researching even more and found this community after reaching out to Spiritual Crisis Network. I am still researching more kundalini and how to master this so I can prevent those hellish experiences from happening again. So that was my story, sorry if it was too long and thanks for reading.
The psychologists are so damned positive ..they think a correct life consists of good emotions and how they vibrate around. This way, we are never able to cope with something dangerous. The world, in reality, is a dangerous place and healthy people have experiences of those dangers, and those can be hard. A healthy psychologist would see you as a normal people having those negative experiences, and they should be able to communicate these - but then, they just give you a lifelong diagnosis and think you are kind of dead and "uncurable". We must experience all this negative thing, which is really there, and work hard to create a good negative psychology to go through all the natural events, wars and anything, which can happen to us - there has to be some experience of this, and this is rather a hard experience. The positive people have closed their eyes for all this and fearfully, paranoidly "cure" all the people, who have something to do with negative - one moment, the negative thing nobody has gone through, it could turn real.. You cannot know, what it was, but probably the negative emotions are about very real negative things, which endanger you or the humankind, and once you go through all the experience you are much stronger and also stable force for the others. With just "fearing the ghost", thinking that the normal person always smiles and sees the good, and builds their life for only the positive experience - this is bad. This is the inability to cope with your negative possibilities and risks. Jung once told that also the depression is how we work through something deep and negative, until it's gone - who just neutralizes the depression, could never solve this problem.