My spiritual practices and intuition and the like seem to come and go in waves. Early last year I had this MASSIVE burst of positive energy and hope and everything good in the middle of SEVERE depression that was EXTREMELY drug resistant, and some of it was definitely situational. I had a very hard and traumatizing year last year and that wave of positive energy was temporary and the calm before the storm. I don't think even with a trigger warning I should list what I was dealing with, but the depression and hopelessness I felt was so extremely severe, the most it's ever been in my life.
Several times last year I went to the Emergency Room and a regular doctor for strange, sudden symptoms, and every time NOTHING was wrong with me. That didn't help my mental state, and only made me feel like I was just going crazy.
November was the last time I went and since that visit I have had intesisfying symptoms of a physical variety, some mental but nothing I'm not used to contributing the fact that I'm potentially a DID system, I'm filled up with lots of trauma and guilt and you name it. Well it's getting worse, and of course the logical part of me has looked for answers like MS, Endometriosit, IBS, so many things, but literally nothing fits the spells I'm going through and doctors NEVER find anything wrong with me. Being open to spirituality and recuuperating after my HUUUUUGE fall out with my own practice last year I was finally able to get more connected and around the time I did was when all this started. I've felt called to be a healer but I can't even heal myself and now I'm worried that everything I went through last year has triggered an awakening I was not physically or mentally prepared for, and I have no idea what to do. Everything I find tells me find someone experienced to help you through it, stop your spiritual practices, but I find myself doing hand motions and poses I'm not familiar with, it's like my body does it in an attempt to relieve all these hard to describe pains and sensations...One in particular was apparently childs pose....
My spine hurts, just last weekend I had the WORST episode of tremors I have had since all this started, I can only liken it to a seizure without loss of conciousness or coginitive ability, all I did was shake and convulse for an hour. I have strange stabbing pains, sensations of hot and cold that spread then disappear, it all comes in waves....I've had pains and sensations of stroke, heart attack, appendicits, stones, you name it but none of that seems to be what's going on, because it's all totally random and there's not enough symptoms to warrant them as things related to what they feel like in the moment dependant on pain and sensation. My mental health was great, I was going with the flow, no crying, no rage, just happy, excited and hopefull...And all that came crashing down and emotions and bothers I'd thought I had overcome are coming back to the surface, feelings of worthlessness, nothing I do being good enough or right, inherent depression to the extent of wanting to unsubscribe from the world of the living, so on and so forth...
There's this little voice like, balance and heal all the chakras and maybe that will help this serpatine pattern of strange sensations and pains from my toes to my head and the brain and all of it, but from what I've read it said STOP spiritual practice and let it takes it's course but I'm so frustrated. I spent a lot of last year despite the trauma and extreme stress I went through trying to heal myself and I've already come so far, but I just don't know what else I can do to help these symptoms, medication doesn't...I feel like I'm going crazy and I feel like I might if I don't get this stuff soothed or under some kind of control. I just need some advice and some guidance before I lose my mind.
“The spiritual path wrecks the body And afterwards restores it to health. It destroys the house to unearth the treasure, And with that treasure builds it better than before.”
— Rumi