Hi all,
I had a spontaneous kundalini awakening about 3 months ago during meditation. I knew basically nothing about kundalini before this and was not trying to activate it. The energy from the initial blast-off activation made it to my throat, but did not go all the way through my head. Since then it has been both incredible and extremely intense and difficult at times. I was already going through a very rough period of my life when this happened, and it has been destabilizing at times. My mental health has never been particularly good, and this experience has pushed me to my limits more than once so far. But, I also feel very grateful to have this experience. It has changed my entire reality, but it's most definitely not easy or blissful. I have done a lot of reading about kundalini since then... of course, a lot of what one immediately finds when searching is either instagram guru BS or dire warnings about how if you aren't prepared for it or do something wrong in the process, you're going to lose your mind and it will wreck your life etc., which is not the best news to come across in the aftermath of the initial earth-shatteringly insane activation experience. I have read a lot of other stuff since then and spoken to a few people who have had kundalini awakenings. For better or worse, my experience so far seems like it is on the "extreme" side, and I'm going through some things that are honestly unbelievable and difficult to integrate. I was open but not particularly spiritual before this. I come from a trauma background and I have purged a huge amount of trauma from my body over the past two months - hours and hours of crying, shaking, convulsing, breathing through intense sensations in my body, and a few past-life regressions that were pretty disturbing content-wise, and also like... okay, past lives are a thing. I have also been doing spontaneous hand poses and body movements every day for months - initially, I went through a phase where my body would contort or tense up in a particular position and I was just locked there and couldn't move, sometimes for over an hour, and then eventually there would be a huge release. The hand poses are involuntary and when they start, I can't stop doing them. At first they were very fast and chaotic, but in the past few weeks I realized I am doing a specific sequence that is always the same, where I hold hand poses for a certain amount of breaths moving up and down my body. I had vaguely heard of mudras before, but I did not know any of them or really anything about them. I recorded myself doing the sequence and it turns out each pose is a documented mudra that corresponds to the part of the body I am doing it over. So... Yeah. That's crazy. I have also been chanting in a language that I definitely do not know, and my hands will move on their own and press on my throat to shape the sounds coming out of my mouth, which are sounds unlike anything I have ever heard or knew I was even capable of making. So, that's some background on my experience so far... Here is where I am hoping to get some support/guidance: Twice now the energy has moved up into my head. The first time it happened was about two weeks after the initial activation. I felt my third eye open one night, a wave of ecstatic bliss, and then the next morning I woke up feeling like a totally different person - not in a good way, like I had no idea who I was and it was scary. I asked the kundalini to slow down and give me some time to integrate this, and she did, thankfully. After that it seemed like the energy moved back down into the lower parts of my body and did a bunch more work down there. I meditate daily and just try to bring attention to where I feel the energy and surrender to it, but I don't try to control where it goes. A few days ago I was in a pretty deep mediation and it cleared a big blockage in my solar plexus area and then the energy just blasted up into my head (similar intensity to the initial activation, whole body heat and tingling, heart pounding, etc.), and then - I can't believe I am saying this - I felt my consciousness pop out of my head and hover above my body... and... I had an awareness that there is another step here where I had to surrender, but I was totally consumed by fear and I couldn't let go... I was like "I'm not ready" but I kept breathing and staying in that space and the energy sort of gently returned me to my body. Since then, it has been very active in my head and feels like it is pushing to get out. After a lot of mentally preparing myself and pep-talking about letting go of fear, I went into meditation today with the intention to not resist, and almost immediately I felt it pushing out of my head, but then it also started rising from the base of my spine with that same initial activation intensity and once again I was totally overwhelmed with fear. The blast-off energy stopped at my chest, but this time I felt it retreat and go back down into the base of my spine, almost like it was bubbling and getting sucked down. I still feel it in my head and in various parts of my body, but I have read some horror stories about how if the energy moves back down it's very bad and your life is basically ruined forever. Has anyone had this happen and/or know anything about it? Thanks.
About your physical movements and sounds - I help they happen in controlled conditions of home, when you let some specific state of mind in, not randomly in city :) Otherwise, it's very deep for me, when body lets some of it's own "symbolic language" or code be visible from outside.
Being in the middle of unknown and pain would also happen if your vibration is raising or has raised - in the perspective of new vibrations, what was enough before, is now very little. For me, growth and birth are always associated with pain - I am very empty of certain feelings of pain, I can accept the reality as imperfect and where there is infinity room for growth, it has to feed me with both it's pain and pleasure. If you view reality as one big ball of energy or life, all the different paradigms you can use to describe it can be seen as people - hologram of reality, when you give it different centers in multidimensional realm, gives you very different views. This is one contemplation of oneness and manyness - dimensions are quite free, and from different mathematical perspectives and coordinate systems you can see this in very different ways. When the vibration level goes up, then distinct vibrations seem to go down; when you was completely healthy person in lower dimension, you can be completely sick in higher. There, you have to learn your health again. When you raise the vibration you want to see in the future, the same thing happens - the world you saw as perfect might now be full of imperfections. You can still be seen as living sensible life in lower dimensions/vibrations, but maybe you are mad, dead, or closed to prison in higher vibration; this is an objective problem in your life, but it might be subjective - here, in lower dimension, you see some cryptic barriers.
In fractal, the same image is visible on each level of the hologram, but it's purer as you get higher. It's an infinite way and you get those infinitely many; as you arrive mostly in the same world as you go higher, but with better people a little bit, or better karmic connection with them, it's an infinite way. Only very slowly, you notice an objective raise, where it really cannot make it worse, but your life turns slightly better.
When we change our direction upwards, what is visible that we fall into pains and sicknesses - ones, which are more sensible and meaningful for us than the ones before. This is the birth pain in this dimension, it's when that what is missing becomes visible. We also get new powers to solve this, slowly. If we go down, we might appear as more perfect - but eventually, universe itself goes up and we start falling apart from reality; we don't have much adventure, but we don't find many treasures as well.
So, for me, all this trouble equals to love of adventure, it equals to growth itself - so I see no reason, why life should not give me pain. It's my pain to become better, and when the pain becomes real, it's a lesser pain.
About when energy moves back down you ruin your life - in this simplistic interpretation, it looks like some kind of whichcraft, not the nature of reality. Kundalini is supposed to be your teacher and the dynamics moves you through the biggest troubles. You need to understand the fatality to solve it, but not to give up - what kills the one, who does not try, would be great rise for some other. In a dance with a girl of England, I moved my hands up, like going to Heaven, and she said they did it, too; then, later, I moved my hands down like going to Hell from Heaven - she became angry; I left her dancing and went to think my own things. When she left, she promised to kill me (initially this was a random girl yelling that she loves me - an introduction, which usually leads nowhere in my life, those fast starts are very easy to end). You can feel that the pain is going in direction of infinity, but in these times it's naturally important to solve the infinities - my back pain also went infinite, it felt fatally dangerous, but I was in process to solve those infinities and eventually I did.
So, what you need to do with this - if your pain is associated with infinity or the rest of your lifetimes, you can try to see this little spot in the end of your infinity (your infinity is basically as big as your body, you don't see much outside) and to calibrate this. In my experience, lately the part of energy vibration has started in the Universe, which really let you see the infinity better - the zero point field is vibrating as if it's smallest point is infinity, and before it was like it's smaller; I say the Universe has reached the zero, because before, the zero was not complete. In fractal, then, you can see over the infinities. This is my personal experience about cosmic mathematics and my own, as it also happened in my own body.
You can trust that the Cosmos really does not want to give you anything fatal, but it wants to only show you bigger problems to heal, better views of you to solve. This is why I call it whichcraft as it's somewhat against the laws of nature to be guided into the point, where you are really stuck; whatever is true, you have better psychology, if you are adventurous and constructive; world often ends on potential fields, but it tends to solve some good direction from those experiences. Many reports seem miserable here, because people do not have the toughtness - an ability to see the good in bad and move further, where other people stop.
For me, your initiation seems to have a lot of meaning and I cannot believe that it has elements to fatally ruin your life outside of the ones you need to learn. On your new vibrations, there might be things, which were fatally ruined before, but once it starts making pain, you start healing - so, such painful experience of energy going down is rather good, you solve some big trouble of your life once you do it.
About the scary intensity and bigger speed than you can handle - this is also a conception to meditate on, you can calmly meditate on such things. It seems a fair topic of meditation to concentrate on. Maybe you need to keep it back, but you cannot do it forever - you have to gradually release your blocks as you get ready. A good trick is to let it happen on potential fields, let yourself free to fail because of exess in the futures you see or which logically follow, and before the future happens, take it back. Your death or fatal problems on potential field, if you kind of let them happen - this is logical that you survive and get better, even if only because Cosmos gets much more karma from this, and you can kill the Cosmos with your death; it's very good idea to die on the potential field, to evoke those mistakes into the future (and past or the current consequence of the past), and once it's there, the death would physically die - it would hit the potential field with the illogicality of your death; you should vibrate the potential until you reach the "already felt" waves, which make your death illogical. It's basically to show that the energy in your success is better than the one in your failure. This is a physical step to take if you want to release yourself from managing everything - under the Cosmos, there is kind of dead field of logic, especially because you need good karma of healing this, and if you vibrate the potentials, you thus create fundamental hits of illogical outcomes, which makes it more solid and stable, the force, which protects you. This is a better way to handle your demons than to put all your own effort into it - you cannot indefinitely keep tense, you need to release the tension a little bit. If you take some responsibility in the field of reality, then where it's very intelligently raising you up, you are also making it very simple; once you solve those problems in here and now, the new problems come from much further from infinity, and you are going to solve much bigger aspects.
I think in current times, people get much more powerful and they need to take godly responsibilities to create their physics and realities themselves; God would remain to be equal with the whole and bigger than the sum of the parts. If everybody is making the reality bigger by infinitely many times, it's fine - we would see it as normal progress.
Hi Beau,
Thank you for sharing. You seem to be having a very intense awakening.. Congratulations for riding it so well.
Some thoughts to share.
Firstly, re: information on Kundalini.. There is some very good information out there , but also some is very poor and misinformed too.
You may well already be aware of this but Bonnie Greenwell is a great source of grounded, reliable information. She supported over 3,000 people through kundalini awakening in her life. I found the "Kundalini Guide " book very helpful and you will find a lot of useful interviews and talks by her on youtube.
Also do check out the resources page on this website. https://www.kundalinicollective.org/help
You will find other reliable sources such as Brent Spirit, and information on 121 and group support.
Re; Support. The Collective has monthly zoom support meetings on the last Friday of the month at 7pm UK time'. Details are posted in the Forum under KC Events and in the monthly newsletter. This is a great chance to meet others in the process and share you experience. and get support.
One other thought to share. We all have our own journeys and ways of working through and integrating these experiences.. In my view there is no hurry. So if it all becomes too intense and difficult to manage it could be wise to suspend spiritual practice for a while as meditation makes the energy more intense.
It is really good you have been able to find others in the process and have got support.
One final thought.
This is not an easy process, but ultimately a positive one. In my view Kundalini is helping us to work through our trauma and social conditioning and enables us to be who we truly are.. Do not believe the horror stories. We have been given a great gift. x
Hey my name is Jonah…that sounds really intense. So sorry ur going though it. I have been through something simalar and if u want to talk you can call me. 2036954514